On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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