So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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