Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
