So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
