I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
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Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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