I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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