My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
