i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i drank out of a bidet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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