Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
