sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
