Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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