Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
