Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have aggressive nipples.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
