remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you would pick up someone in the library
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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