nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize