I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
