Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
