i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
