i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
