so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Vodka?
Forever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
