I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
