I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
