My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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