At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
