Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He passed out mid-signature
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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