I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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