Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
