I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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