No stitches, just platelets and will power
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
