I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
