You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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