I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
