i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
