I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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