I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
