On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
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the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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