Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
