I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
