Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
