my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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