i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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