I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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