Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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