In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
