16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I touched a dick in church today
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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