I think my fart just growled at me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
