I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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