Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
