Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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