Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
