I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize