get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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