So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
