yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
