the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
