I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I believe in your delicious
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
