her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
