Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize