Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
