Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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